Your email address will not be published. Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. I've found that professionally it gets me where I need to be, but in my personal life it has been more of a detriment. Elevation: What is it and why do we need it? Such strong, certain voices are respected. Sometimes I think the woman in my life is too quick to spill the beans about her private thoughts and tell people much more than they want or need to know about any given topic. This can then become a vicious circle as we then have even more things to attend to or compare ourselves with. In a sense, they are punishing you. It's a challenging, difficult thing to be able to pull off, but so very necessary if you want to make your personal relationships work out as well as your professional life. Employed in this way, silence can be as earsplitting as shrieking. ", Besides, men can speak volumes when they need to, using vocal variations (some feminine) when they contribute to persuasion. So I wondered.....do all silent people have active minds and a very rich inner life? I'm quite surprised more men haven't commented on this post and it's been up since April. I have the power!" And the boring nonintellectual subjects are enough to drive me into a state of self entertainment inside my mind visualizing different scenerios of what would happen if these women actually said what they think, oh my. This is a biggie. The word for this is ostracism (exclusion, banishment). d. The Psychological Effects of Stonewalling and The Silent Treatment The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. Most of us clearly recognise the difference between a disapproving silence and that which is affirms that what we are saying is being truly listened to. The potential healing available in silence and being with our difficult thoughts is not always pleasant or comfortable and this is one of the reasons that many people abandon meditation. I can't add the "strong" there because that's for others to decide. I am concerned this won't pass structurally,'" I offered. It took a lot of work, but that's what Jodie did to command the floor. This has given me the opportunity to reflect on the power of silence and the range of responses it elicits from people. The silent treatment, sometimes called "the cold shoulder," is the purposeful exclusion of one party from social interactions. It can be a fleeting reaction to a … Other people wonder what silent people are thinking and respect their silence.". London: Darton, Longman & Todd Ltd. About the author: Sarah Monk ​is a student on the MAPP course at Buckinghamshire New University. Like any power it can be used to hurt or to heal and perhaps this is why people respond so variably to it. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Open curiosity and the willingness to encounter yourself in silence are the most important resources. The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. So I caution those who praise the "strong silent type". And, yes, all workplaces have their own culture with norms employees are expected to follow. But men must somehow be able to switch from that professional persona when with the opposite sex and children, and become a milder, more open, talkative, fun person outside the work environment. On a walk-through of a building with the men, I noticed that whenever Jodie attempted to get the floor, half the guys never even knew she was speaking. The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disimpowerment that is a favorite of narcissists and especially those who have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile … As suggested above silence is not necessarily linked to the environment. It’s also possible to look forward to a period of silence only to find you can’t engage with it and I have had this experience in the past. It is a way to express your anger or your desire by not saying anything or by just keeping silent. They're silent not because they have nothing to say, but because they don't have to fill up the air with words. However, research is beginning to suggest that silence itself is beneficial both physically and psychologically. I've been the epitome and actually more the extreme version of the "silent type" since I was a child.. "They attacked me ... saying who did I think I was, sitting there, never talking, judging them, withholding.". It can be used to indicate emotional withdrawal, disapproval or even punishment. Bottom line, I think it's hard to find the balance between talking too much and maybe not talking enough. Research indicates that such behaviors are a form of ostracism which activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same part of … 2. "Sounds like Jim has already made up his mind. The choice is to pursue a metaphorical space, not bound by language, which allows our human constructs to fall away allowing access to our authentic self and communion between our inner and outer selves. I will not let you in and better yet, I will throw you off balance by my silence. The concept of silence in an attempt to be used as a weapon, centers on removing that satisfying ding after people press your buttons and pull your levers. In fact, a woman at one of my seminars remarked, "How is it that men sound like they know what they're talking about even when you know they don't?" If we all listened more, it would improve our communication. What's the point of adding my two cents? Psychological benefits of silence can include enhanced creativity, focus, self control, self awareness, perspective and spirituality. The Silent Treatment: How Silence Amplifies Your Callings, How Women and Men Interpret Unspoken Messages. The silent treatment is something that most people know about if, for no other reason, it comes up on the playground and in sitcoms repeatedly. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Ignoring a person means that they are worth nothing, that they don’t matter. Yes it is, and many people use this as their weapon to get their loved ones to their knees. Reference Ross, M. (2014). Things become even more unhealthy when all this is happening in a cruel and cold silence, which the victim doesn’t know how to interpret. But does that mean that silence is good for us? For those who might not be aware, the silent treatment is something that people … I go deep into things, I philosophize and analyze about life and people, I think of where I stand, what I can improve on, I mull over many different things, I worry too. Silence can be used both positively and negatively in communication, and thus can influence our relationships. But it may also be detrimental, making men appear distant even when they don't want to be. The only person who really feels the silent treatment is the target. I wonder how many of the "strong silent type" men in the workplace are simply conforming to the social expectations of their workplaces, especially in this shaky economy? Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. For two years, Gehry attended these twice-weekly meetings with other talented business people, writers, and artists, but shy by nature, he never uttered a word! Current Trends in Developmental Psychology Goals and Objectives of Developmental Psychology … I'm in a situation where a relative is as phony as a two dollar bill, she is an opportunist and covert narcissist. The silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse and is commonly used as a weapon by divorcing couples. If you think ignoring someone will push them closer to you I … Thank u for your clear and concise article re The Silent Treatment & Narcissists. In The Right Words at the Right Time, the famous architect Frank Gehry explained how his silence got him into trouble in his group therapy. They were the epitome of what we call "the strong silent type" — men who convey their resolve and power through a sturdy, deliberate silence. Learning to use the power of silence has wonderful potential to improve our lives and is free to all with the persistence to cultivate it. Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so … She has a degree in psychology from Southampton University and an MSc in Clinical Psychology from the University of Surrey. Children from this group were plagued with war and economic instability as a … Instead you ignore them hoping they will change or apologize or say they miss you. President Bill Clinton was quite skilled in the use of paralinguistics. Spending time in silence has been found to have positive effects on the body in terms of reducing blood pressure, boosting the immune system, reducing blood cortisol, promoting hormone regulation and prevention of arterial plaque formation. It's synonomous to living a double life. It causes psychological stress. Peggy Noonan, former Reagan speechwriter, Wall Street Journal columnist, and Fox News political analyst made this point when she said, "I admire and have often been instructed by the strong silence of men. The female architect spoke very softly, but the contractors, building inspectors, plumbers, and electricians on the job were primarily used to a male-dominated culture in which whoever spoke the loudest was king. Silent retreat is the opportunity to notice what keeps your attention at the surface, to be honest with yourself about what prevents you from falling into your innermost depth, and to practice surrender of the mind’s safety-seeking strategies while being held in the loving spaciousness of … As a practicing Christian I can tell you no one will mind you doing this and belief in God is definitely not a prerequisite for being there. CE credits: 1Learning objectives: After reading this article, CE candidates will be able to: 1. I suggested to her that she not only speak louder but also manipulate other nonverbals to get the men's attention. Men also use volume in their speech to command attention and authority. In our language the word silence is often used with negative connotations; a conspiracy of silence, being given the silent treatment, lifting the veil of silence. I am in control. Lockdown Emotions How They Impact Your Relationship, A Christmas Gift For You – Self-Compassion. And the fact is, it works most of the time as it affects the psychological condition of the other person. Research is fairly clear that too much noise is bad for us. I hate the wedding and baby showers where women give forced compliments , gossip and are expected to be social with fake chatter boxes. I live with my husband and our two teenage children, all of them play different musical instruments, there’s not a lot of quiet in our house. People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). Some people embrace silence. Experienced meditators can achieve non reactive states of presence in even very disruptive situations. The use of silence in communication is also culturally bound and can mean different things in different contexts. Psychological benefits of silence can include enhanced creativity, focus, self control, self awareness, perspective and spirituality. When spoken to in the manner addressed to your co-workers, they cringe. Janice A July 5th, 2016 at 3:25 PM . Most people can take pride in having such a hater of this type because it's a clear sign of competence and an unusual compliment. c. Personality encompasses diverse qualities of individuals (e.g., biology, social influences, childhood experiences, etc.) That is putting a lot of weight on a silent treatment. A 2003 review of decades of research on conservative people suggested that their social views can help satisfy "psychological needs" to make sense of the world and manage uncertainty and fear. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. I think it's extremely hard to be a male in today's society, to be able to switch personalities from the dominant strong silent male to an outgoing, personally involved male when with friends and family. Developmental psychology is a scientific study of why and how people change throughout their lives. They already dominate, just by looking at themselves, but they're serene about it. Along with the emotional roller-coaster, it tears down your sense of self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Discuss evidence-based interventions for combating loneliness.For more information on earning CE credit for this article, go to www.apa.org/ed/ce/resources/ce-corner.aspx.According to a 2018 nationa… But on the surface, am very calm and peaceful (is what people say). This is not to say that men don't talk — of course they do. I actually need advice on how to get myself to talk more and open up. However, I have observed some people seem really uncomfortable at the prospect of a period of silence. Finally, the group turned on him. But I realized that my words often got me in trouble. I witnessed this phenomenon when I was a consultant to a committee that was in charge of constructing a major addition to our local university. Your email address will not be published. A person who is the target of the silent treatment can feel very intense negative emotions. When people use this against you, they do it with the intent of getting you to give in to what they are wanting and well, that is NOT okay. Are we so unwilling to be alone with ourselves and what is the level of noise in our society and the absence of silence doing to our mental health? How Women Are Creating Their Style. b. Well not necessarily, silence is more than the absence of noise. They may talk over others by growing louder to keep the floor and squelch other speakers. 7 Gaslighting Phrases Used to Confuse and Control, How Narcissism Distorts Self-Image via Self-Concept Clarity, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Awe: The Instantaneous Way to Feel Good and Relieve Stress, How Face-to-Face Disagreements Hijack Available Brain Space, Throw the Suit Out! While not everyone will admit this, the silent treatment is a form of abuse. He often speaks with passion and is comfortable expressing emotion. If we can learn to cooperate openly with silence in our lives the potential benefits to health and well-being are huge. However, just like women, men must walk the vocal cue tightrope in certain contexts. Identify the effects of social isolation and loneliness on physical, mental and cognitive health. 3. Learn how your comment data is processed. If a man seems so sure of himself, is there room for anyone else's opinion? The silent treatment is not blatant; its insidious. Since Personality psychology has competing viewpoints, it is considered a paradigm. "Why don't you stop in your tracks and say, 'Hey wait a minute! A large amount of abdominal fat on an individual indicates that they have lower levels of testosterone – meaning that they also have lower sex drive and low fertility. As I have observed in corporate America, its source could be the desire to maintain power and control. I find it is easier to listen to others when you don't talk too often. Silent Treatment - A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence. Silence is a place of paradox which has the potential for the balance of dialectical conflicts and healing, allowing us to hear our heart, quiet our chaotic consciousness and achieve some inner stability. Every workplace has unwritten, and often unconscious, rules that you break at your own peril. It's like this given for women to talk 24/7 and as a woman I find it annoying when women expect meaningless chatter, it leads to the possibility that your their next gossip subject , then they mistakenly believe someone is " shy " when the person just wants to HEAR THEMSELVES THINK. Ross (2014) suggests that silence is both context and process. The importance of studying developmental psychology. Explore how loneliness differs from social isolation. According to communication expert Maureen C. Minielli, "He is an eloquent public speaker who appreciates the power of language and is not afraid to use it. Women and Silence: Is Your Voice Being Heard? People do not want to ask for what they want. Introverted people think more slowly and calmly, transmitting information through several filters, while extroverted people have much faster and more linear thoughts and responses. a. It is a study of human growth during its various stages of development, beginning with childhood, adolescence, and youth, and ending with aging. You make an excellent point. Professionally this may work like a charm, but in a male's personal life, it truly is a detriment.. to your SO, your wife, your children. The silent treatment can be a mind game for some people, and in some cases can be used as a form of psychological manipulation. Silence can be used both positively and negatively in communication, and thus can influence our relationships. Consider the late actors John Wayne and Gary Cooper. The male's silence or strong voice is not welcomed in the home environment. Audrey Nelson, Ph.D., is an international corporate communication consultant, trainer, author, and keynote speaker. Simply put, Gehry's quietness hurt his ability to engage with his clients successfully. The simple psychology behind the silent treatment is to ridicule the opposing person by making them feel invisible, insignificant, and neglected. This is known as the silent treatment. The Gift that Keeps on Giving: Building Your Conceptual Knowledge. Learning to meditate can be achieved by accessing many of the free web resources and going on retreat can be simply sitting in your local church quietly during your lunch hour. Ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the `` silent type '' since i was a child means they... Those who praise the `` strong silent type '' since i was a child all listened,. An international corporate communication consultant, trainer, author, and website in this browser for next... Put, Gehry 's quietness hurt his ability to engage with his clients.... Be an extremely difficult thing for a walk Callings, How women and silence: is your voice being?! Between 1925 and 1945 men have n't commented on this post and it 's been since... 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Speaks with passion and is comfortable expressing emotion, perspective and spirituality still think i talk much. More and open up is it and why do we need it – Self-Compassion all workplaces have their own with... Communication is also culturally bound and can mean different things in different contexts your co-workers, they cringe it’s! Men sometimes use silence to be in charge and collect their thoughts the psychological condition of brain. Experiences, etc., '' he wrote in his autobiography silent retreat periods, some of people! Most effective even punishment own culture with norms employees are expected to be the absence of noise of silent periods... That you break at your own peril men appear distant even when they do,... Inner life but that 's what Jodie did to command the floor squelch... In other words, when a person gives you the silent treatment & Narcissists is an international corporate communication,.